Cairo’s Online Flower Guide

1. Armenia Florist

ww.egyptflorist.com

2. Bostany

www.facebook.com/BostanyFlowersEgypt

3. Floradoor

www.floradoor.com

4. Flower Power

www.flowerpowerdesign.com

Discipline VS Punishment

By Noha Abu Sitta

Many of us, confuse discipline with punishment. We think they are synonyms although they are more like antonyms! We often think by punishing our children that we are disciplining them. When in fact, we might be perpetuating the misbehavior and creating a volatile relationship with our children. Let’s dig deeper into the best way to discipline our children.

‘Discipline’ is basically ‘guidance’. It comes from a Greek word that means, ‘to train’. It is defined in the dictionary as, “A method of training to produce obedience and self-control.”  It is a positive and constructive act; an act of love not revenge or anger. Its’ sole purpose is to create a mature responsible adult out of your child. It’s built on love and respect.

‘Punishment’, on the other hand, is defined as, “To cause someone to suffer.” It is a negative and destructive act. Its’ sole purpose is to instantly stop a specific behavior through making the doer suffer (either physically or psychologically). It is an act of anger due to the lack of anger management skill. It makes the child feel disrespected, impaired and a failure! It involves no training or permanent fixing of the behavior. Punishment teaches no skills. Moreover we tend to punish our children by the same punitive method regardless of individual personality traits and needs. This is detrimental and results in one child responding to the punishment, while the other one doesn’t.

Although misbehavior sounds like a negative concept, there is a great positive side to it, let’s take a closer look!

Misbehavior is an opportunity to discipline your child:

Now let’s look deeper into the meaning of ‘misbehavior’. There is always a reason behind a misbehaving child. It usually results from a need whether it is:

• Physical: hungry, thirsty, tired, sick or in pain.
• Psychological: need to feel loved, noticed or cared for.

Misbehavior is simply a lack of the skill needed to deal with/express the feelings that result from physical or psychological needs. Our children need to be trained to master such skills especially the social ones. All children at a young age are naturally selfish and self-centered. They can’t be expected to care for others’ feelings and concerns yet, but they need and can be trained to do so. Think of what your child needs when he misbehaves and what you can do to correct this behavior.

Handling misbehavior is a skill both you and your child need to learn to deal with.

We tend to punish our children when they misbehave believing that this will teach them a lesson and that they won’t repeat that behavior ever again! In fact, punishment can result in two things:

• Temporarily terminating the behavior out of fear. Misbehavior is most likely to be repeated again after a certain age when the child overcomes their fears or behind mommy’s back!
• Challenging stubbornness when they don’t really care that much about punishment as long as they do what they have in mind!

Is that what we would really like to achieve with our kids? Or should we arm them with the skills that would enabled them to choose to stop that misbehavior themselves?

The key is in the two C’s: ‘Consequences and Consistency’ :

A ‘consequence’ is defined in the dictionary as, “Something that follows from an action or set of conditions. It is a result.” A consequence is an expected result that is previously agreed upon before the occurrence of the misbehavior, thus it is a fair act unlike punishment which is usually a sudden reaction born out of uncontrolled anger!

So when a misbehavior occurs:

• We sit down with our children – after the situation ends and we have both calmed down – and discuss what has happened: We acknowledge the validity of the feelings we both had yet the invalidity of how we handled them and how to avoid this situation from re-occurring with the exact same details again.
• After we both understand and accept each other’s feelings and brainstorm on alternative ways to deal with such a situation, we start discussing the consequences that will result if this behavior re-occurs again.
• Be clear with your child that he only has another chance to correct his choice of dealing with the same situation when it reoccurs (which we call misbehavior). If he wasted this chance then the next time the misbehavior occurs it will be his choice to accept the consequences that were previously agreed upon.
• Consequences vary from a child to another. It is usually about limiting or withdrawing something that they really like such as their screen time, a favorite toy, pocket money, bedtime story, a favorite meal, or a place that they were promised to go to!

This sort of deal is more or less like our civil laws in our adult world. You know the law and you are told beforehand about the consequences/penalties for breaking it. You might be forgiven the first time you break it if it’s not too serious. However, if you deliberately break the law once again then you will have no other choice but to accept the consequence based on your wrong choices and you can’t claim that it’s not fair.

For consequences to be effective, they have to be practical, appropriate, easily applicable and consistent. So carefully choose your list of consequences! If you know that you can break the law and be manipulative and get away with it, you’ll never respect that law or the authority behind it! Every single time this law is broken, there are no exceptions to be given! This is when consequences become really effective!

In that sense, a consequence is a fair result to an action that was deliberately taken, having the consequence of doing it preset in mind. This is how our ‘Adult world’ is run, thus this is a productive and responsible life skill to teach our kids

Noha Abu Sitta is a certified Health Coach for children up to 12 years old, by the Dr. William Sears Wellness Center. She is also a certified Positive Discipline Parent Educator by Dr. Jane Nelson and Dr. Lynn Lott. Noha regularly conducts parenting, health and nutrition courses covering a variety of topics. She also makes regular appearances on TV programs to dispense her expert advice. Noha is available at City Clinic in Nada Compound, Sheikh Zayed for health and parenting coaching.

Developing Your Child from Infancy to Adulthood

With the Child Psychologist

Monda Joseph

By Francesca Sullivan

As mothers, the relationship we have with our children is unique, and arguably the most important in our lives. As they grow, that relationship develops and moves through different stages, each with its own rewards and challenges. Being a parent isn’t always easy, and sometimes we don’t have all the answers when communication difficulties arise.

Ahead of this year’s Mothers’ Day Cairo East Magazine talked to child psychologist and counsellor Monda Joseph at the Maadi Psychology Centre about ways to encourage healthy communication with your child, and help them to form the best foundation for the life ahead of them.

CEM: What are the basic stages of a child’s development, and what are the best ways of encouraging and communicating with them at each stage?

MJ: Psychologists divide children’s development into three distinct phases. From zero to six years is the period known as the ‘Individual Creation of the Person.’ The home environment is the starting point, in which a baby tries to make sense of his surroundings. At two years old, he begins to develop autonomy and independence, with learning taking place through play. Throughout this period children need order, predictability and routine. Talk to them continually in order to help develop their language skills, and give them lots of physical activities for their motor skills. Encourage them to express themselves through playing and drawing. They can re-enact an event, for example, or try to draw it

From age six to twelve children develop their sense of self and cognitive logical facilities. They have an increasing understanding of others’ viewpoints and are learning problem solving – though not yet applying this to abstract ideas. They begin to strive for and demand intellectual independence, and to reason using imagination and logic. So you can use open-ended questions, but they can also communicate with you by describing events and their feelings through art.

From thirteen to eighteen is the ‘Construction of the Social Self,’ the transition to adulthood, involving increasing importance of their peer group, wider environment and community. Children start to think in abstract terms and they are able not only to reason logically and draw conclusions from available information, but to apply these processes to hypothetical situations. Adolescents often go through a phase of feeling invincible to danger. Although they are developing moral and social values, they also have a high level of self-concern. They usually prefer verbal communication. Try using metaphorical language and hypothetical situations when discussing issues.

Is your approach the same whether it’s a boy or a girl?

Basically, I take the same approach, but depending on other factors, such as the child’s age, intellectual cognitive abilities, cultural background and also their own preference when it comes to communication methods. For example through art, discussion and so on.

How can I get my child to open up when something is bothering them?

Children are not secretive by nature, so providing a trusted relationship is key to making them feel safe enough to open up to you. The bottom line is for them to know at a deep level that you have their best interests at heart. With a young child, use art and play methods, and with older children use open-ended questions and give them space to expand on their feelings. For example, “Tell me more about what happened when…,” or, “What goes through your mind when this happens?” and so on.

Is body language important when communicating with your child?

Extremely important; it constitutes more than half of our communication with others, and children pick up on emotional cues faster than verbal speech. Don’t say something that is inconsistent with what you are showing. Parents need to be aware of their tone of voice, facial expression and physical stance while communicating. If you give an instruction while you are shouting it is counter- productive, since their fear of your voice will not allow them to listen properly to what you are trying to tell them. Adjust your height to their level and speak calmly.

What are the best words of encouragement or praise that will help a child thrive?

When you praise a child be specific and make sure that they know what the praise is for. For example, “Well done for showing good listening skills today; for being thoughtful, helpful,” etc. The opposite is also true; if you criticize make sure it is for the actual behaviour. Not, “You were a bad girl,” but “When you did such and such that was a wrong thing to do.”

What’s the best way to approach sensitive subjects where your values are at odds with those of your child’s peer group?

As a therapist, I keep my beliefs outside the therapeutic relationship; my focus is on the child and his or her concern. My aim is to try to understand the school and family environment, and guide the child to form their own opinion, putting together the pieces of the situation.

As a parent, it’s much easier to turn younger children towards your own personal viewpoint, but with adolescents it’s more difficult. You need to provide them with as much information as possible to allow them to make up their own minds, but you cannot force them to think a certain way.

Do you recommend therapy to help children through difficult life events such as bereavement, divorce or school bullying?

Most children are pretty resilient and can cope when it comes to life-changing events. Some will show behavioural reactions immediately after a traumatic event, but most will return to their normal behaviour. Only if the child is still exhibiting abnormal behaviour after several months do you need to seek therapy, for example self-isolation, irrational fears or persistent nightmares.

Are there signs that a parent should watch out for to indicate a deeper problem, or that a child may need psychiatric help?

The signs you should look out for are those that display abnormal behaviour for the child’s age-group. For example, tantrums at two years old are more normal than at eight. During adolescence, frequent changes in mood are to be expected due to biological changes. However, if each behaviour lasts more than two weeks, or the mood changes become very intense and are accompanied by atypical behaviours, you might seek professional help. Equally, regression to early childhood behaviours such as bed-wetting or thumb sucking can indicate emotional distress.

How should discipline be handled as a child becomes more mature?

Consistency, predictability and firmness are the keys to discipline. Helping the child learn self-control and follow the rules, not out of fear but self-control. Be immediate in your use of both punishments and rewards. By the time children get older the rules should already have been established, and for adolescents these tend to be around issues such as homework, socializing, how much time is spent with family, and so on. They are now old enough to use their own rationale in order to follow instructions.

As a therapist have you found cultural differences in attitudes towards children in Egypt as opposed to the West?

Yes, definitely. Here, the parents’ perspective on independence is different from that of western parents. In the West teenagers are geared towards financial and general autonomy much earlier. Of course some families are more liberal minded and permissive than others, but there’s not much room in Egypt for teenagers to develop their own emotional, cognitive and personal independence.

By Danielle Rizkallah

Here, in Luxor, on the West Bank, between the Pharaohs resting in the mountains of Thebes, and the great temples in Luxor, lies a gem of a hotel, an oriental palace called Al Moudira. The sun has called it home, and colored it in gold, pink and blue.

The hotel opened its doors in 2002 to people looking for serenity, history, art and comfort.  Zeina Aboukheir, the soul of this cosmopolitan hotel chose this unique piece of land to build her dream. A guest house inspired by Turkish, Moorish, Italian and Lebanese design. An empire of beautiful things with 54 different rooms where one is privileged to peacefully enjoy some  unforgettable moments, amidst hibiscus, bouganvillea and palm trees.

Aboukheir has teamed up with Olivier Sednaoui, a famous architect and a disciple of the Egyptian architect Hassan Fathi. Sednaoui’s  work is defined by a construction linking the infinitely small and the infinitely big. Dual spaces, arcs, corridors, alternating shadows and light like an oasis in the desert.

Rooms and suites are grouped around sunny patios with fountains and arches. Every room is decorated differently, domes, colored glass, columns, internal fountains and painted walls. Each making life sweet and nonchalant.

I like travelling, far from life’s stresses and the heaviness of the real world; into privileged places where one feels invited into an ideal world of discovery, and dreams.

Luxor and Al Moudira are one of these places and I have accepted this invitation many times before.

A Historical Gem in the Heart of Downtown

Location: Downtown, Abdeen, the entrance is at the back of Abdeen palace.

Abdeen Palace was designed and built by Egyptian, Italian, French and Turkish architects in 1863. Worth visiting if you are in Cairo. Abdeen Palace Museum is a remarkable military museum that also houses many historical treasures such as gifts granted to various Egyptian presidents.

18th and 19th century cannons sit stoically on either side of the lush and impeccably groomed garden, with an additional cannon court inside the palace.

The Four Sections of the Museum

The Weapons Museum

The hall showcases various weapons artifacts, which date back to the eighteenth century, some were used in wars and some were gifts to the Egyptian Khedives over the years. Many sculptures of historical figures such as Jen Dunois, Frederick II, King Farouk and Muhammad Ali also grace the grand hall.

The Decorations and Medals Museum

This houses all the medals and gifts awarded to Khedive Ismail as well as all rulers all the way to King Farouk. Most of these gifts are made of precious metals and have precious stones.

The Presidency Museum

This small but ornate hall exhibits presents given to former presidents (Mohammed Hosny Mubarak, Mohammed Morsi and Adly Mansour) and the current president (Abdel Fattah El Sisi). Such as vases, crowns, holy books, statues and paintings.

The Silverware Museum

The embellished dining table and elaborate cutlery, plate set, and antique tea-sets sit in this beautifully embellished hall. The cutlery is pure silver from the 18th and 19th centuries, from countries like France, Russia, England and Turkey.

We know glowing, radiant skin is the result of a good skincare routine, and one of the first steps you should take in your routine is addressing how to even out your skin tone. These skin brightening products do just that, giving you smoother, brighter skin and lessening dark spots caused by sun damage.

1. Obagi NU Derm Clear – Obagi Medispa

2. Clarins, Bright Plus, Brightening Hydrating day lotion – Mazaya

3. Lancome, Genifique – Mazaya

4. Vitamin C Skin Reviver – The Body Shop

5. Nuxe Brightening Program – Ezzaby Pharmacy