To learn about the tools for building healthy relationships, we caught up with marriage and family therapist, Yasmin Magdy. Here is her advice on how to create and maintain healthy, rewarding and emotionally supportive unions.

The Important Elements for Successful Relationships

The most important elements that sustain a healthy and a successful romantic relationship are respect, loyalty, love and compassion. Partners have to show respect to each other before they show love. A main pillar in any healthy relationship is showing respect for one another. A relationship that is free of put-downs and in which the partners feel accepted the way they are and secure, is one in which love will flourish and be nourished consistently. Communicating how you feel through actions of love rather than simply just saying, “I love you” is another very important way to a successful relationship that is built on security, and then love.

5 Ways to Speak and Understand Love

There are five ways to speak and understand emotional love, but many couples are not aware of them.

1. Words of affirmation
2. Quality time
3. Receiving gifts
4. Acts of service
5. Physical touch

We all grow up in different environments in which we adopt our sense of love expression from our parents. Some grow up expressing their love by using physical touch and words of affirmation while others may see that expressing love happens through driving you somewhere or getting an errand done for you to save you the hassle. Regardless of the way your partner is expressing their love, you might still feel emotionally distant or not loved enough. Why? You expect love in your way, which in return causes an emotional and physical disconnection between you.

Think about it now. We need to be calm and have an in-depth discussion about the way we both like to express and receive love. Being loved in the way you understand and appreciate is so important for a relationship.

Why Do Relationships Fail?

We must acknowledge that conflict in relationships to some extent is both normal and integral for deeper communication and bonding to take place. Yet, sometimes couples do not come out of a conflict with a deeper bond, but rather are broken and drift further apart, which leads to the relationship failing.

Unfortunately, emotional abuse, verbal abuse and physical abuse exist in many relationships. Disrespect and infidelity are other main reasons that set the stage for destroying the bond a couple has. They affect the sense of security and closeness the partners have and contribute to anger, resentment and holding grudges against each other.

Escalating Negativity: Criticism, Defensiveness, Contempt, Stonewalling. Gottman calls these the “Four Horseman of the Apocalypse”. Gender differences include female criticism and male stonewalling. Exchange of reciprocal anger is found in both stable, happy marriages and unstable, unhappy marriages. The escalating negativity that leads to “turning away” from bids for emotional connection is the factor that leads to failed relationships.

Withdrawal and Emotional Disengagement. Here we are talking about the lack of the following: affection, humor, interest, support, engagement and empathy.

And finally Failed Repair Attempts. This entails unsuccessful attempts at repairing damage that has occurred in the relationship due to holding grudges and being resentful towards your partner.

What Happens When the “Honeymoon” Period Ends

There are some main pitfalls for newlyweds during the first months of marriage. Let’s face it, after the honeymoon ends reality sets in and we start facing each other’s real selves. A main pitfall here is in our expectations, which sets the stage for disappointment. We tend to find ourselves frustrated and disappointed if our partner does not turn out as expected by us. Many partners then fall into the biggest pitfall in a relationship, which is attempting to change who their partner is and thus start showing disappointment and frustration when they do not see the desired changes in their partners that coincide with their desired picture of them.

Accept each other and do not try to change your partner. We all are aware that conflicts start to happen early on in the relationship because simply put, both partners are still learning about each other in deeper ways. While this is happening, it is vital that communication includes respect and no put-downs.

Avoiding Toxic or Negative Interaction

This is a very common pitfall that many couples fall into once anger and resentment or put-downs seep into their conversations and conflicts. One of the main methods we teach couples in marital and couple’s therapy is to develop a code or decide on an understanding that once one of them becomes hurtful or loses their temper and is unable to communicate feelings accurately without being hurtful or disrespectful, taking some time apart is vital. This should never be done as a punishment for the other party, but should be done after consensus by both partners to cool off the anger. The discussion should be continued later when both are more relaxed and have a clearer perspective. Remember, communication is key.

The Importance of Intimacy

Intimacy, both emotional first, and physical second, is key in any relationship. It signifies the presence of a strong bond and nourishes partners’ feelings in the relationship. Effort must always be invested in connecting more deeply, whether emotionally or physically, for a happier and healthier relationship. Settling for a relationship in which you are physically or emotionally frustrated, neglected or unsatisfied contributes to the development of negative feelings and causes a drift between partners. Spice up your love life constantly, both physically and emotionally.

Being flexible in a relationship is key to a healthy life. Remember that you both come from different backgrounds and expecting life to happen based on your own point of view and background only is never fair to your partner since he/she comes from a different world than yours. Thus, the key to adapting and making allowances in a relationship is built on flexibility first and healthy communication second.

The Importance of “Me Time”

“Me time” is key to any relationship. Having a separate world of your own for each partner is essential to keeping a healthy relationship. Just as it is important to share hobbies and activities together, it is essential that each partner maintains a separate time with friends, have his/her own hobbies and interests. We highly recommend “me time” in therapy for couples to decrease the level of co-dependency in many cases, as well as to sustain the concept of “who am I” outside of the relationship. Many couples seem to be engulfed by their roles as a husband, wife, mother and a father in which the duties take them far from who he or she was before becoming part of a couple.

Forgiving & Forgetting: Is It Possible?

Forgiving and forgetting often go hand in hand in relationships, but there isn’t a typical time frame for forgiving, nor forgetting. An individual who has chosen to forgive most likely has accepted the reality of the situation and decided that his or her significant other was worth more than the pain of a fallout. Forgetting, on the other hand, doesn’t mean to disregard a behavior, response, or attitude that caused a problem in the beginning, it means that the individual will work past the complications and most importantly, never hold it against his or her partner in the future. Addressing things head on eliminates further complications by evening out the conversation and making sure that both partners’ priorities are addressed, rather than moping around giving the silent treatment and angry stares.

Feeling Stuck? It’s Time for Help!

When you find yourself stuck, and hit a road bump in the relationship that you cannot get past on your own, it is always recommended to seek therapy. At this point you need an outside perspective as well as learning some tools of communication.

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For additional information or questions, contact Yasmin for an appointment

Yasmin Magdy

Senior Clinical Psychologist, Marriage and Family Therapist and Addiction Counselor

SEEDS Clinic

Building 4 / Unit 0-B

The Polygon

SODIC West

Cairo-Alex Road

Tel: 02 38653700

What is Broken Heart Syndrome?

When you think of a broken heart, you may picture a drawing of a heart with a jagged line running through it, in reality, broken heart syndrome does exist, with studies continuously finding connections between depression, mental health and heart disease.

Broken heart syndrome, also called stress-induced cardiomyopathy or takotsubo cardiomyopathy is a temporary heart condition that’s often brought on by an emotionally stressful event, such as the death of a loved one, a break-up, betrayal, hearing bad news or even after a good shock (like winning the lottery)!

When and What Happens

The condition can strike even if you are healthy, but could also be triggered by a serious physical illness or surgery. In rare cases, some drugs such as epinephrine and levothyroxine can cause broken heart syndrome by inducing a surge in stress hormones, which affects the heart, with women being more susceptible to this effect than men.

People with broken heart syndrome often have shortness of breath and sudden chest pain that could be misdiagnosed as a heart attack. These symptoms can begin just a few minutes to hours after exposure to the unexpected stress.

How BHS Differs from a Heart Attack

Unlike heart attacks, most people who experience broken heart syndrome have fairly normal coronary arteries (blood vessels that supply the heart with blood), only their heart cells are “stunned” by stress hormones but not killed. The “stunning” effects reverse quickly, often within just a few days or weeks. In most cases, there is no lasting damage to the heart, unlike with heart attacks.

Because symptoms are similar to a heart attack, it is important to seek help right away. You, and sometimes emergency-care providers, may not be able to recognize that you have broken heart syndrome until you undergo some tests. All kinds of chest pain should be checked by a doctor.

How BHS is Diagnosed & Treatment

Tests and procedures used for diagnosis include ECG (electrocardiogram), blood tests, echocardiography, chest X-ray & cardiac MRI.

There is no standard treatment for broken heart syndrome, initial treatment is aimed at improving blood flow to the heart, and may be similar to the treatment of a heart attack until the diagnosis is clear. Most people stay in the hospital while they recover. Further treatment can include medicines that relieve fluid buildup, treat blood pressure problems, prevent blood clots, and manage stress hormones. Medicines are often discontinued once heart function has returned to normal. Many patients make a full recovery within a month or so.

Procedures that are often used to treat a heart attack, such as balloon angioplasty and stent placement, or even surgery, aren’t helpful in treating broken heart syndrome. These procedures treat blocked arteries, which are not the cause of broken heart syndrome

Changing Your Lifestyle & Prevention

Lifestyle change is also advised, it’s important to find ways to reduce stress and cope with particularly upsetting situations. Learning how to manage stress can improve your emotional and physical health.

Having supportive people in your life with whom you can share your feelings or concerns can help relieve stress. Physical activity, meditation and relaxation therapy also can help relieve stress.